The Vatican updates the list of sins : Satan objected

The Vatican has updated this week its list of sins. But the Catholic Church did this without consulting Satan himself. Satan, also known under the name of Lucifer, God of Darkness or the Devil, wants to challenge the new list of sins that produced the Vatican.

Satan, in a diabolical anger which alone is capable, contacted journalists to complain. "Never did the Vatican contacted me for the new sins. Do you have any idea of the work that means to update my computer systems?" Satan told us. "Me and the Vatican have always worked together. It's been hundreds of years we cooperate very well together. But since the arrival of Benedict XVI, relations between my office and the Vatican have been strained. This is more and more unbearable. I am about to crack" has given us the poor Satan.

Satan told us during a press conference that he must compile the sins of everyone on earth. Once dead, the duo God/Jesus take care of those who had a good life, while Satan takes care of others. In amending its list of sins without speaking to Satan, the Vatican has therefore put Satan in a situation that he himself deems chaotic. "Before, I did not compiled the drug consumption. But the Vatican considers that it is a sin now. From what date it is a sin? Since the 60s? From 1 April 2008? I know nothing about that. The Vatican did not say anything to me. They prevent me from doing my job" said with a few tears a Satan completely taken aback.

Satan now wants to go to court to force the Vatican not to amend the list of sins. It remains now to determine what court will hear this case. The Council of Human Rights of the UN? If there's a trial, it will be interesting to see whether the Vatican will hear Jesus or God as witnesses. Definitely a story to follow.

No murder in Quebec City for 2007 : the police wants some changes!

The investigators of the Quebec City Police homicide squad have alerted the media this morning. Investigators are concerned with Quebec’s murder rate of 2007.

The Director of Investigations said: "There was no murder in 2007 in Quebec City. This is worrying because our investigators are not very busy. They may lose their expertise to solve cases with so few murders".

During the press conference, the investigators reminisced about those years when the biker war was raging. There were many opportunities to do overtime since the homicide rate was high. Currently, investigators must resign themselves to work on cold cases, old homicide cases not yet resolved.

The Quebec’s Police Department wants to solve this situation. It is necessary that the population of Quebec gets involved. There must be more murders in Quebec City. Otherwise, bored investigators will move to Montreal or Toronto. We cannot afford to lose their expertise, we must keep them busy here," the director said.

There is yet to see if the public will respond to his message appropriately.

Become a one game player for the Montreal Canadiens

Exclusive - The Montreal Canadiens hockey Club is preparing a "Play tonight with your favorite hockey team, the Montreal Canadians". This contest will allow one winner to wear the uniform of the Montreal Canadiens and to play a real match on the ice with his favorite team.

The idea was initiated by the executives of the National Hockey League. The NHL wants to increase the popularity of hockey in the USA and to get some free publicity. The attendance at some American hockey games is not up to the expected level and the NHL has still no major television contract in the USA. This new marketing strategy is based on the popularity of reality shows that are extremely popular in the USA nowadays. The NHL hopes to recreate the same infatuation found on these reality shows with the "Become a player tonight".

Several questions still remain unanswered. For example, will the winner play with the 1st or 4th trio? During a power play, can he play as goaltender? Are women eligible to participate? Also, the number of minutes that the player will play in the game remains to be clarified.

The Montreal Canadiens team agreed to be the first one to participate in this project. They hope that other teams will follow their steps in order not to create a disadvantage for the Montreal Canadiens when the winner is on the ice.

A Beatles show for the Quebec City 400th anniversary

Exclusive - The Society of the 400th anniversary of Quebec City is preparing a master stroke, an incredible show that will put Quebec City on the map: the return of the Beatles!

The Quebec 400th is in negotiation with the two remaining Beatles, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr, along with the widows of John Lennon and George Harrison, Mrs Yoko Ono and Olivia Harrison. The four Beatles would be reunited on the stage thanks to a special technology, the same used with Elvis Presley who sang with Celine Dion last year during a broadcast of American Idol.

The show would be presented on the Plains of Abraham and broadcasted on several television networks throughout the world. The Quebec City 400th has managed to convince the two remaining Beatles with the help of the Cirque du Soleil and especially his founder, Guy Laliberté. The price of the tickets has not yet been announced but are expected to be affordable, thanks to revenue generated by the television broadcast of the show.

Moratorium on the Taser gun: police should use the lasso

Following the recent deadly tragedies involving the use of Taser gun by police, the U.S. Dept of Homeland Security will impose a moratorium on the use of the Taser gun. As a replacement for the Taser gun, the DHS will suggest to the law enforcement agencies to use the lasso instead.

Here's what the Secretary of Homeland Security had to say in his report and recommendations : "The lasso may seem obsolete. But we must remember that in the past, many sheriffs have used this method to catch famous criminals. Besides, the lasso is harmless, nobody can be killed by being caught by a rope."

The Secretary also mentioned that he saw many lasso specialists at the latest western festival of San Antonio,Texas. He was surprised that these modern-day cowboys can also easily capture a rabid beef. As the Secretary added: “… if a bull in rut, weighting more than 5000 pounds can be controlled by a lasso, a bastard of 250 pounds on the crack may well be also stopped by a lasso.”

The Secretary concluded in his release by saying that these experts with the lasso met at the western festival will be able to ensure the training of police officers. The first officers who will be able to use the lasso should be ready by February 2008. Stay tuned.

Wal-Mart wins the Nobel Peace Prize

A prize that will surprise many leftists and bearded folks campaigning in student associations. A prize that will break the stereotypes of those who give themselves good conscience and who want to look good by complaining against Wal-Mart.

Faced with the outcry sparked by the award of the Nobel Peace Prize to Al Gore, the Norwegian committee responsible for awarding the prize changes his mind and gives it rather to Wal-Mart. The committee wanted to reward Wal-Mart for its efforts to reduce economic disparities between riches and poors and also for improving the environment.

According to the committee, thanks to products from China and other emerging countries sold in their stores, Wal-Mart has managed to improve conditions for workers in these countries. By giving work to children in poor countries, Wal-Mart has managed to bring them out of the hell of prostitution and allow them to bring money so often needed by their parents . By hiring of women in countries where they have no rights, Wal-Mart enhances the esteem of these women and allows them to emancipate themselves.

Moreover, with their enormous purchasing power and its low price offers, Wal-Mart allows the poor Occidental families who purchase things in its stores to save a lot. The money saved while shopping at Wal-Mart can be used for better purposes like sending their kids to private schools.

According to the committee that awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, Wal-Mart has also helped to improve the environment. Indeed, by offering several products under one roof, these stores allow buyers to make their purchases in one place. This saves fuel and helps reduce greenhouse gas. Moreover, as many products sold at Wal-Mart come from overseas, they are transported by ship rather than trucks. To ship by boat save a lot of fuel and is far less polluting than by trucks.To ship by boat save a lot of fuel and is far less polluting than by trucks. Also, it allows sailors who often come from poor countries to explore different countries and for them to have a job to explore different countries and for them to have a job